What would happen to fast food if you had to have it the FCC’s way.

Burger King pokes fun at net neutrality issue.

 Burger King is delivering its own hot take on a regulatory showdown that has enflamed the U.S., using a flame-grilled Whopper.

Burger King’s new ad has become a sensation, with more than a million views on YouTube and it’s lighting up Twitter .

In the ad, customers whom the restaurant says are real, are told they will be charged different prices for a Whopper, based on speed. Prices range from $5, to $26.

And the customers grow increasingly furious in an art-imitating-life display that mocks new internet rules that have led to wide-scale protests, even death threats.

There’s even a jab at Ajit Pai, who heads the federal commission that voted late last year to eliminate net-neutrality protections for the internet (hint: look for the colossal Reese’s coffee mug).

The Old Woman, The Gunslinger, and the Mule

An old woman walked up and tied her old mule to the hitching post.

As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, “Hey old woman, have you ever danced?”

The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, “no,… I never did dance… Never really wanted to.”

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said “well, you old bag, you’re gonna dance now,” and started shooting at the old woman’s feet.

The old woman prospector — not wanting to get her toe blown off –started hopping around. Everybody was laughing. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air, and the crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds, too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old woman’s hands, as she quietly said, “son, have you ever kissed a mule’s ass?”

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “No ma’am… But I’ve always wanted to.

 

There are five lessons here for all of us:

1 – Never be arrogant.

2 – Don’t waste ammunition.

3 – Whiskey makes you think you’re smarter than you are.

4 – Always make sure you know who has the power.

5 – Don’t mess with old people; they didn’t get old by being stupid.

No Worries Mate

An Australian travel writer touring Canada was checking out of the Vancouver Hilton, and as he paid his bill said to the manager, “By the way, what’s with the Indian sitting in the lobby? He’s been there ever since I arrived.”

“Oh that’s ‘Remembers Everything’,” said the manager. “The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement is to allow him free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is known as ‘Remembers Everything’ because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest details of his life.”

The travel writer took this in, and as he was waiting for his cab decided to put the chief’s memory to the test.

“G’day, mate!” said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return. “What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?”

“Eggs,” was the chief’s instant reply, without even looking up, and indeed the Aussie was impressed.

He went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the east coast and back, telling others of Remembers Everything’s great memory. (One local noted to him that ‘How’ was a more appropriate greeting for an Indian chief than ‘G’day mate.’)

On his return to the Vancouver Hilton six months later, he was surprised to see the Chief still sitting in the lobby, fully occupied with whittling away on a stick.

“How,” said the Aussie.

“Scrambled,” said the Chief.