Chuck Norris vs Jean-Claude Van Damme

Watch Jean-Claude Van Damme carry out his famous split between two reversing trucks. Never done before, JCVD says it’s the most epic of splits — what do you think?


Chuck Norris shows how this should be done, splitting between two Lockheed C-5 Galaxys with Seal Team 6 on top of his hat. Chuck was flying both C-5s and another C-5 flying backwards which filmed the action.

More Chuck Norris Facts…

There are no facts about Chuck Norris – only understatements.

He once bet NASA he could survive reentry without a spacesuit. On July 19, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3,000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

He put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king’s horses and all the king’s men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.

He can lead a horse to water and make it drink, keeps a shotgun in his wallet, leave a message before the beep, draw a square with only 3 lines, literally kill time, capitalize a number,  unscramble an egg,  set fire to a magnifying glass with an ant, once tore a mattress of it’s tag, hit a golf ball twice with one swing. and compare apples to oranges.

My computer was running slow and wasn’t working right. I changed the screen saver to a picture of Chuck Norris, its speed has increased 100 x and it runs better than before.

Chuck Norris can hit ctrl-alt-delete with one finger.

It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.

Some people thought the Loch Ness Monster was a plesiosaur, others an eel. Chuck Norris thought it tasted like chicken

Chuck Norris was born May,6 1945. Nazi Germany surrendered May, 7 1945. Coincidence?

He was born by c-section, which he did himself with a roundhouse kick from inside the womb.

According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Chuck Norris opens his Dos Equis beer bottles with The Most Interesting Man in the World’s asshole.

Chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child, once on Hiroshima then again on Nagasaki.

Chuck Norris once challanged Lance Armstrong to a testicle contest, Chuck won by 3.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re all poisonous.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire birthday cake before his friends told him there was a stripper in it.

His roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space with the naked eye.

The crew in Apollo 13 could have saved themselves a lot of trouble if they had used “Chuck Norris, please help us” instead of “Houston, we have a problem”.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around waiting for the wheel to stop spinning.

In high school, Chuck Norris would get out of math class by dividing by zero and then escaping through the wormhole it produced.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

When Chuck Norris guested on Hell’s Kitchen, Gordon Ramsay did not swear once and heartily praised and ate Chuck’s offering of burnt toast with pubic hair.

While teaching a CPR course, Chuck Norris actually brought the practice dummy to life.

He once paid a dime for a 50 cent candy bar and got $3.75 back in change.

When biologists sequenced Chuck Norris’s DNA, the only letters found were F and U.

Chuck Norris won a car on The Price is Right by guessing a can of tuna was worth $5,467.

He once threw a hand grenade that killed 572 people… then it exploded.

Chuck Norris won the Texas state lottery by turning in a bingo card.

If you see him picking his nose, it’s best not to say anything.

If you spell Chuck Norris in scrable you win…forever.

Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his toes.

Chuck Norris once sold eBay to eBay on eBay.

He sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

He can gargle peanut butter.

He can strangle you with a cordless phone

Water boils faster when he is watching it.

He can slam a revolving door.

He wears a hat and dark glasses to protect the sun.

And finally, Chuck Norris knows you currently have a pornographic website minimized on your screen.

 

Epilogue

2 thoughts on “Chuck Norris vs Jean-Claude Van Damme

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