22 Points in our Divorce Agreement from liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, regressive, Marxists, Clinton and Obama supporters, et. al.: We have stuck together since the late 1950’s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process and what has been found out since, has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is our separation agreement:
–Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion.
–We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.
–You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
–Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
–We’ll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.
–We’ll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.
–You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens the peaceniks and war protesters.
–We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEOs and rednecks.
–We’ll keep Bill O’ Reilly and Bibles, and give you NBC, CBS, ABC, CNN, MSNBC and Hollywood .
–You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
–When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.
–We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
–You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U..N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
–We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.
–You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
–We’ll keep “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” and “The National Anthem.”
–I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute “Imagine”, “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing”, “Kum Ba Ya” or “We Are the World”.
–We’ll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
And finally since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name our pledge of allegiance, our flag and our national anthem.
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P.S.: Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, and Jane Fonda with you.
P.S.S..: And you won’t have to “Press 1 for English” when you call our country.
If you can’t stand behind our Military, Please feel free to stand in front of them!