A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband…
On each floor the signs on the doors read:
Floor 1 – These men have jobs.
Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids.
Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. “Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework. “Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 – You are visitor 3,261,496,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
THE WIFE STORE
Floor 1 – has wives that love sex.
Floor 2 – has wives that love sex and have money. The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
“You need to use ‘big people’ words,” she’d always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. “I went to visit my Nana.”
“No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!” She then asked Mitchell what he had done. “I took a ride on a choo-choo.”
She said, “No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words.” She then asked Bobby what he had done. “I read a book,” he replied.
“That’s WONDERFUL!” the teacher said. “What book did you read?”
Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, “Winnie the Shit.”
After waiting anxiously for quite a while, a rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming.
She gave him the once-over and said, “Sorry, I won’t dance with a child.”
“Please forgive me,” responded the underclassman. “I didn’t realize you were pregnant.”
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Jerry had carved I love you, Sally.
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money – fifty thousand dollars!
Jerry said, We’ve got to give it back.
Sally said, Finders keepers. She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?
Sally said, No.
Jerry said, She¹s lying. She hid it up in the attic.
Sally said, Don’t believe him, he¹s getting senile
The agents turned to Jerry and began to question him.
One said: Tell us the story from the beginning.
Jerry said, Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday …
The first police officer turned to his partner and said, Were outta here!