At the Hardware Store

Harlow was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store. At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Carl, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer.

When Carl was finished, Mary asked how much for the teapot.

Carl replied, “That’s a unique signed and numbered limited edition and it costs $100!”

“My goodness, that sure is a lot of money!” Mary exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Harlow had sent her to buy, and Carl went to the back room to find it.

From the back room Carl yelled, “Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?”

Mary replied, “No, but I will for the teapot.”

Image result for silver erotic teapotThis is why you can’t send a woman to a hardware store.

Cave Drawing



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Joe Biden



It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least Three thousand years old! The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge Meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings. The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said: “This is a Woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them.”

Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn’t grow, they seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.

The audience applauded enthusiastically.

Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said, “Idiots, Hebrew is read from right to left…… It says: ‘Holy Mackerel Dig the Ass on that Chick.’ ”

 

Image result for sexy naked woman butt

 

Picasso Fish







A Japanese student recently uploaded a picture of a small fish he had caught to Twitter, where it quickly went viral because of the creature’s likeness to a painting.Image result for polyipnus matsubarai

Featuring unusually large eyes, and blue-ish scales of various shapes and sizes, the unusually-looking fish instantly caught people’s attention. Taking a good look at it, it’s easy to see why people started referring to it as “Picasso Fish”, and sharing the picture on various social networks. Eventually, the photo was picked up by Japan’s Fuji Television, which consulted experts about the creature and learned that it was actually a rather common deep-sea fish with a rather striking appearance.

According to Japanese deep-sea experts, the”Picasso Fish” is actually a specimen of Polyipnus matsubarai, a species living in the northwestern Pacific Ocean, including Japan and the Philippines. Despite its weird appearance, the so-called Matsubarai candle fish is apparently non-toxic and edible, although none of the consulted experts ever tried eating one.

A Weekend at Concours d’Lemons, the World’s Worst Car Show

For those who wince at sports car showoffs, this wacky annual show is a sight for sour eyes.

Pebble Beach Car Week is the worst. Crowds, traffic, rich old dudes showing off their expensive toys—it’s an altar to fossil fuel-powered excess. Like other sane people, I knew to steer clear of the Monterey Bay for Car Week. Until I read about Concours D’Lemons.

The coveted worst in show award went to this almostsortofquasireplica Ferrari Enzo kit car which is really a Pontiac...

The coveted “worst in show” award went to this almost-sort-of-quasi-replica Ferrari Enzo kit car, which is really a Pontiac Fiero in disguise.

Held at a location affectionately called “the oil stain,” D’Lemons is a celebration of the world’s worst cars. Here, the crappier or weirder, the better.

This wagon painted in 128 different colors won the sight for sour eyes award.

This wagon painted in 128 different colors won the “sight for sour eyes” award.

It’s a porous event, with no official borders. There’s an impromptu garage or surreal show-and-tell around every corner. By 10 am, competitors and spectators alike are drunk. Wise attendees avoid eye contact with the red-cheeked, Guy Fierri-costumed army of car dudes (trust me, it’s a demographic) talking up their garbage.

Every summer for the past decade diehard car freaks have congregated on the lawn of Seasides City Hall to pretend like...

Every summer for the past decade, diehard car freaks have congregated on the lawn of Seaside’s City Hall to pretend like they own cool cars.

The most recent D’Lemons, held last August, was the 10th anniversary, explains Alan Galbraith, who’s known as Head Gasket and calls himself the idiot behind the whole thing. “2009 was our first year according to the court records and arrest warrants,” he quips.

Rougher around the edge than its puttogether sister Concours dElegance dLemons is where you go to avoid the automotive...

Rougher around the edge than its put-together sister Concours d’Elegance, d’Lemons is where you go to avoid the automotive pretense.

A fanatic himself, Galbraith had been working Car Week for years before he came up with the idea. “I had done just about everything there is to do, you know, from helping friends with cars to volunteering at the show,” he says. “Finally it just got a little stuffy and I was looking for a way to let a little bit of air out of that balloon. I started this to feature cars that don’t get featured any place else.”

You won’t find pristine metallic paint jobs at this car show. Here, rust and disrepair rule.

Unlike it’s prettier and more popular sister event, the Concours d’Elegance, d’Lemons is all about kitsch, crap, and absurdity. Rust, wood paneling, matte spray paint, faux fur—normally a landfill aesthetic—are all materials that are celebrated here.

The inside of this van was shagged out with flowing tufts of white carpet and a shrine to Farrah Fawcett.

The inside of this van was shagged out with flowing tufts of white carpet and a shrine to Farrah Fawcett.

There are oddities like the Yugo–the worst car ever made–so poorly engineered it’s had more of a life as a punchline than a vehicle. There are also kit cars, street-legal Franken-mobiles made from disparate parts that count amongst their ranks at least one fake Enzo Ferrari—a counterfeit speedster some bros built that ended up winning “worst in show.” (It was subsequently covered in silly string, a d’Lemons tradition.)

Despite its reputation as the worst car ever made Yugos like this one still get meticulous restorations and highly...

Despite its reputation as the worst car ever made, Yugos like this one still get meticulous restorations and highly attentive care.

As the day winds to a halt, Head Gasket reminds everyone that it’s a free event and you get what you pay for. If you like cars that never should have never been made, then Concours d’Lemons is a feast for your trash-loving eyes.

Like many vehicles here this motorized and capsulized tricycle begs the question Why

Like many vehicles here, this motorized and capsulized tricycle begs the question: Why?

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