Another Coronavirus Song?

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”

“But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom – I’ll show you how.”

Nailed it.Nailed it, actually.

On a senior citizens bus tour.

While the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in the driver’s ear.

She said, “Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!”

The driver didn’t think much of her complaint, but promised he would check into it soon.

Later, that same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, “Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!”

This time, he figured he’d better look into it.

A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them, to find out if they knew what was going on.

He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor beneath the seats and stooped down to question him.

“Excuse me sir, could I help you?”

The elderly man looked up and said, “Well, sonny you sure can. I’m blind, I lost my toupee and I’m trying to find it…”

The man continued, “I thought I’d located it twice, but they were parted in the middle, and mine is parted on the side!”

The many bears of coping.

Sometime this year, American taxpayers will likely receive another economic stimulus. It is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q&A format:

Q: What is an Economic Stimulus?
A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q: Where will the government get this money?
A: From taxpayers.

Q: Is the government simply giving me back my own money, then?
A: No, only a smidgen of it.

Q: What is the purpose of this payment?
A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition television set, a new iPad, or a new SUV, thus stimulating the economy.

Q: Isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U. S. Economy with your stimulus check. Use it wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.

* If you spend it on gasoline, the money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it goes to India, Taiwan, or China.

* If you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.

* If you purchase useless stuff, it goes to Taiwan.

* If you pay your credit card off or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and   they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

(1) Spending it at yard sales.

(2) Going to a ballgame.

(3) Spending it on prostitutes.

(4) Buy Beer.

(5) Get a tattoo.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the United States.)

CONCLUSION: Go to a ballgame with a tattooed prostitute you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day.

Sufficiently Breathless – Captain Beyond 1973

Sitting on the door stoop watching muti bizarre people pass me by.                                      Look through the windows, through the houses oh, they’re made of sky.

Gargoyle watching the bouncing ball
Strangers mystified by all
All the goings on

Sufficiently breathless
Sufficiently breathless

Hey, Mr. Policeman, can you point the way oh, with your handgun?
Peter the puppy and the space below don’t you understand ’em?

Gargoyle watching the bouncing ball
Strangers mystified by all
All the goings on

Sufficiently breathless
Sufficiently breathless
Sufficiently breathless
Sufficiently breathless.

(One of my favorite guitar solos.)

Hearing and watching all the city sounds on the street where we live.
No one to care about us seems it’s falling down around us.

Nothing left to live for
(Sufficiently breathless)
Nothing left to live for
(Sufficiently breathless on the street
Where we live)…

2 thoughts on “Another Coronavirus Song?

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