Skool Daze

At the beginning of the school year, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their summer vacation.

One child wrote the following:

“We went to Florida to visit with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida.

“Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass.

They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don’t know who they are anymore.

“They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don’t do them very well.

There is a swimming pool too, but all they do is jump up and down in it with hats on.

“At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape.

Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts.

“Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. and, they eat the same thing every night — early birds.

Some of the people can’t get out past the man in the doll house.

The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.

“My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too.

When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.”

 


 

 

Mouse Disguised as a Snake to Keep Predators Away, Nature is Wonderful

Mouse Disguised as a Snake

HatTipcanstockphoto53073149  A Herd of Turtles


 

A Woman in A Hot-Air Balloon is Lost…

So she shouts to a man below, “Excuse me. I promised a friend I would meet him, but I don’t know where I am.”

“You’re at 31 degrees, 14.57 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude,” he replies.

“You must be a Democrat.”

“I am. How did you know?”

“Because everything you told me is technically correct, but the information is useless, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve been no help.”

“You must be a Republican.”

“Yes. How did you know?”

“You’ve risen to where you are due to a lot of hot air, you made a promise you couldn’t keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault.”


 

reality


 

MOMMA ALWAYS SAID

MOMMA.png

AND THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT.

Proof that Men Have and are Better Friends!

Friendship among Women:
A woman didn’t come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend’s house. The man called his wife’s 10 best female friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:
A man didn’t come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The woman called her husband’s 10 best male friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

A Half Baked Joke

 Dear friends, it is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following:

Poppin’ Fresh, the Pillsbury Doughboy died Monday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 58. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Poppin’ as a man who “never knew how much he was kneaded”.

Very few people know he had a dark side. 

Poppin’ rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, even as a crusty old man, he was considered a roll model for millions.

Toward the end it was thought he’d rise once again, but he was no tart. Poppin’ Fresh is survived by his first wife Poppie Fresh, and his son, Play Dough, and another bun in the oven.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.