Mosques in America

I am truly perplexed that so many Americans are against another mosque being built in the United States. I think it should be the goal of every American to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs. Thus the mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.

That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, “The Turban Cowboy,” and the other a nude bar called “You Mecca Me Hot.”

Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called “Iraq of Ribs.” Across the street there could be a lingerie store called “Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret,” with sexy mannequins in the window modelling the goods.

Next door to the lingerie shop there would be room for an adult sex toy shop, “Koranal Knowledge,” its name in flashing neon lights, and on the other side a liquor store called “Morehammered.” All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us, so their mosque issue would not be a problem for others.”

Yes, we should promote tolerance, and you can do your part by passing this on and if you are not laughing or smiling at this point… It is either past your bedtime, or its midnight at the oasis and time to put your camel to bed!!!!

Q• How do you double the value of a Yugo?

A• Fill the tank with gas! (If it can still hold liquid. If not, put a can of beer in the back seat.)

Q• What do you call a Yugo that breaks down after 100 miles?

A• An overachiever.

Q• How do you fix a broken Yugo?

A• 1) Lift off the radiator cap.
A• 2) Push off cliff.
A• 3 drive brand-new one underneath radiator cap.
30-mile/3-day warranty included!)

Q• What is found on the last two pages of every Yugo owner’s manual?

A• A bus schedule.

Q• What do you call the shock absorbers inside a Yugo?

A• Passengers.

Q• What does a Yugo have in common with a Ferarri?

A• A Ferarri can go from 0 to 60 in 4 seconds.
A • A Yugo can go from 0 to 4 in 60 seconds.

Remember the Yugo? Jason Vuic would like to remind you of its not-so-illustrious story. The Yugo: The Rise and Fall of the Worst Car in History is Vuic’s book on the tiny, no-frills, breakdown-prone automobile imported from communist Yugoslavia in the 1980s that is better known today as a punchline than a piece of machinery that might (or might not) take you from point A to point Y.

Donald Trumps Magic Trick

Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton made a joint visit to a bakery while campaigning. While in the bakery, Hillary sneaks three pastries in her pocket, and whispers to Trump, “See how clever I am? The owner didn’t see anything, and I didn’t need to lie. That’s why I’m going to win the election.”

Trump says to Hillary, “That’s so typical of you: trickery, deceit and theft. Now I’m going to show you how to get the same results honestly.” Trump says to the bakery owner, “Give me three pastries and I’ll show you a magic trick.”

The baker gives Trump three pastries and he eats one after the other. The baker was wonder what the magic trick is and asked Trump, “So? Where did they go?”

Trump says, “Look in Hillary’s pocket.”

A Montana Cowboy

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new 2018 BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man named Cliff in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”

Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Apple iPhone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany …

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Apple iPad® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Galaxy S8® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re a Congressman for the U.S. Government”, says Bud.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know nothing about how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.”

“Now give me back my dog.”