Category: Politics

Donald Trumps Magic Trick

Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton made a joint visit to a bakery while campaigning. While in the bakery, Hillary sneaks three pastries in her pocket, and whispers to Trump, “See how clever I am? The owner didn’t see anything, and I didn’t need to lie. That’s why I’m going to win the election.”

Trump says to Hillary, “That’s so typical of you: trickery, deceit and theft. Now I’m going to show you how to get the same results honestly.” Trump says to the bakery owner, “Give me three pastries and I’ll show you a magic trick.”

The baker gives Trump three pastries and he eats one after the other. The baker was wonder what the magic trick is and asked Trump, “So? Where did they go?”

Trump says, “Look in Hillary’s pocket.”

A Montana Cowboy

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new 2018 BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man named Cliff in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”

Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Apple iPhone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany …

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Apple iPad® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Galaxy S8® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re a Congressman for the U.S. Government”, says Bud.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know nothing about how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.”

“Now give me back my dog.”

The Clintons’ Greatest Shame

Chelsea Clinton Is the Biological Daughter Of Webb Hubbell

For years, the Clintons have gone to great lengths to pretend to be something they are not: a family. To this day, Bill often refers to Hillary as his “wife”, despite the fact he has been kicked out of her house a long time ago. And Hillary refers to Bill as her “husband”, despite the fact that Hillary knew Bill was sexually unhinged from the day she “married” Bill on Oct. 11, 1975.

I Found it Here

The Pussy Tree

Once upon a time there was this man who found a super special vagina seed. He planted this seed and twenty years later he was growing an orchard of the nicest pussy trees in the land. People would come from far and wide to see such a magnificent sight. He had many years of peace and prosperity. Every year the man got a little older, until one day he decided that he could no longer take care of his orchard. He finally decided to let his daughter take over the beautiful vagina orchard. The man gave her only one condition ” Never use this beautiful orchard for greed. It is for people to enjoy”.

The next day the old man died and the daughter took over the orchard. It was not long before she started to see the money to be made at the orchard. She brought in a group of specialists to tell her how to get the best bang for her buck. She put in a parking garage, a restaurant, and a vagina gift shop. So much money was coming in, She was soon the richest woman in the land, but something started to happen to the pretty trees. The trees started to shrivel and the vaginas started to stink. Slowly but surely the pussys turned into turds. People no longer wanted to come to the orchard just to see a mound of smelly shit dripping off the trees. Finally the daughter went bankrupt and had to sell her father’s once beautiful orchard.

Which brings me to the moral of the story;

If you let a greedy cunt run your cunt tree, your cunt tree is going to turn to shit.

Net Neutrality My Ass!

On December 14, a five member panel of unelected bureaucrats called the FCC voted 3 to 2 to seize control of the internet for the Federal government, without so much as a “by your leave” to the Congress. It’s not like your Congressman or Senator did this, these were three UNELECTED political appointees, all DEMOCRATS, which I think is worthy of mention, and they just decided that they have the power to regulate what you say and what you view on the internet, without asking you what YOU think about that. They came up with a big fat Rule Book For The Internet that they would not show to the public before the vote, and now that they have deemed they have the authority to do this and voted to institute their new Rule Book For The Internet, they STILL won’t show the public their new Rule Book For The Internet.
 
How is that not a Big Fucking Deal for you? THREE PEOPLE you never heard of and certainly never voted for just took over control of the internet for the government, and they are not showing the public what the new rules will be. Does that mean websites will have to get a government “license”, like radio stations? And will they have a list of bad things they can’t say, or they will be fined and maybe even LOSE their license? Nobody knows, because they will not show the public the rules they are creating.
 
What if you call some dude in your facebook page a faggot, and you get a $25 ticket, deducted from your debit card or your ApplePay or your Paypal or your Netflix account? Will you need a “user’s permit”, or a government assigned ID that tracks your every website and keystroke, because terrorism, or something…? Can they suspend your access if you are deemed to be an insensitive homophobe or racist, or even BAN you from the internet? Nobody knows, because they will not show the public the rules they are creating.
 
And the attitude of most Americans “Whatever… as long as my NetFlix is streamin’ good, and I can play Call of Duty without any lag, I’m chill…”[1]
 
Top 10 Countries that control internet access.
 
1. North Korea. All websites are under government control. About 4% of the population has Internet.
 
2. Burma. Authorities filter emails and block access to sites of groups that expose human rights violations or disagree with the government.
 
3. Cuba. Internet available only at government controlled “access points.” Activity online is monitored through IP blocking, keyword filtering and browsing history checking. Only pro-government users may upload content.
 
4. Saudi Arabia. Around 400,000 sites have been blocked, including any that discuss political, social or religious topics incompatible with the Islamic beliefs of the monarchy.
 
5. Iran. Bloggers must register at the Ministry of Art and Culture. Those that express opposition to the mullahs who run the country are harassed and jailed.
 
7. Syria. Bloggers who “jeopardize national unity” are arrested. Cybercafes must ask all customers for identification, record time of use and report the information to authorities.
 
8. Tunisia. Tunisian Internet service providers must report to the government the IP addresses and personal information of all bloggers. All traffic goes through a central network. The government filters all content uploaded and monitors emails.
 
9. Vietnam. The Communist Party requires Yahoo, Google and Microsoft to divulge data on all bloggers who use their platforms. It blocks websites critical of the government, as well as those that advocate for democracy, human rights and religious freedom.
 
10. Turkmenistan. The only Internet service provider is the government. It blocks access to many sites and monitors all email accounts in Gmail, Yahoo and Hotmail.[2]
 
[1]Taxicab Depressions, [2]USA Today